By: Roscoe Mathieu
Dedicated to Peter Karnsteadt with the message "The young guy is named Fry."
Time of the Mutants
(A Tale of Stuff…and Junk)
 

INT. SHOT - ROSCOE'S Room
Subtitled "December, 2001". Roscoe is sitting at his computer and typing. He is talking to himself.
ROSCOE: "And therefore, Lola, F'ny, and Dentor are all derived from characters on Little Shop of Horrors or a similar little-known video game/movie/TV show."
Camera pans around to reveal the screen. In rather large letters are the words "FUTURE SHOCK OUTLET MESSAGE BOARD."
Roscoe turns to the camera.
 

ROSCOE: "What are you doing here?"

N/A - Important message
A shot of a TV with the Futurama title on.
ANNOUNCER: "The previous scene was inserted merely for the author to get the mandatory Hitchcock out of his system. It's much better that he does it here than in the marriage fanscript. Really."

(ROLL TITLES)
 

EXT. SHOT - FARNSWORTH'S Lab
The PE ship flies into view, and descends into the building.

INT. SHOT - Farnsworth's Lab
Fry, Leela, and BENDER walk down from the ramp, dishelved, bruised, and battered.
FRY: "Remind me never to get involved with anyone colored blue."
BENDER: "Got it."
Close up of Fry's left hand, where the Scrab symbol from Abe's Oddysee is burned onto the back of it. Bender takes a swing of something green from a vaguely raindrop-shaped bottle.
Farnsworth enters.
FARNSWORTH: (solemn) "Bad news everyone."
BENDER: "YES!"
FARNSWORTH: (continuing) "No new packages arrived since you left."
LEELA: "How is that any different than normal?"
Farnsworth ponders this for a second.
BENDER: "By the way, I'm not going to be in at all tonight. I met this nice unit at the…(looks around)…gentlebot's club…yeah, that's it…anyway, it's all yours!"
Bender walks off, taking some crates of booze out of his chest. Leela looks at her wrist thingy.
LEELA: "My god! It's 7:30!"
FRY: "You mean that tells time?"
LEELA: "We left AMY with FELA, you idiot! We need to get back to the apartment!"
 

EXT. SHOT - Robot Arms Apts.
The obligatory establishing shot.
 

INT. SHOT - Window Room
Amy is sitting on the couch, talking on the phone, while Fela lies in her crib. Fry and Leela rush in.
AMY: "So then I said…(sees Fry and Leela)…I'll call you back, Glorg." (hangs up)
"Hi."
LEELA: "The phone bill's coming out of your pay."
AMY: "What?"
FRY: "Come on, Leela. It's not like I didn't make calls when I baby-sat…"
Amy and Leela both stare at Fry.
FRY: "Nothing!"
Amy and Leela exchange glances.
LEELA: "Look, was it a local call?"
AMY: (quickly) "Yes!"
Leela stares at her.
AMY: "Alright, I admit it! I called Neptune! I'm sorry! Just stop staring at me like that!"
Leela nods to herself reassuringly, then puts out her fist. Then she opens it. It has money in it. Amy's eyes dart from Leela's hand to her eye and back again.
LEELA: "Minus the cost of a long-distance call."
FRY: "You mean they've simplified phone calls in the future?"
LEELA: (whispered to Fry) "No, but Amy doesn't know that."
Amy has taken the money by this point and is halfway out the door.
AMY: "Thanks!"
Amy exits. Fry looks around for a second.
FRY: (yawns) "Well…I think I'm gonna hit the hay…"
LEELA: "Fry, it's your night to wash the dishes."
FRY: "D'oh! But Leela, I'm not as…"
LEELA: "Fry, that's the…(Leela's eye wobbles)…oooh…(she clasps her stomach)…aaah…"
She falls over, clutching her stomach and moaning. Fry looks at her for a second, then rushes to the phone.
FRY: "Wait, what was 9-1-1's number again? (shakes head) The professor would be more help anyway."
He dials. The professor's mug appears on screen.
FARNSWORTH: "Hello?"
FRY: "Professor! Leela's…" (from the Professor's POV, we see Fry stand aside on the screen to reveal Leela on the ground, clutching her stomach, and moaning)
LEELA: "The…pain…!"
PROFESSOR: "Bring her here, and (looks around, whispering) make sure not to let the pineapples get her."
Fry looks quizzically at the professor as he hangs up, then turns his attention to Leela.
 

EXT. SHOT - Farnsworth's Lab
Fry carries Leela as he runs into the building.
 

INT. SHOT - Farnsworth's Lab
ZOIDBERG and Farnsworth wait as Fry brings in the unconscious Leela and sets her on the table. The professor takes out the F-Ray.
FARNSWORTH: "I've modified the F-Ray to be safe on humans, and theoretically humanoids. Dr. Zoidberg here will observe her insides to see what is wrong, right, Dr. Zoidberg?"
ZOIDBERG: (unsure) "Right…well…"
FARNSWORTH: "Exactly." (activates the F-Ray)
The F-Ray's range extend from the tops of Leela's hips to the middle of the ribcage…over two glands whose names I'd prefer not to mention. There's an extra organ right below the lungs.
FRY: "Wait…what's that?" (points to the extra organ)
ZOIDBERG: (completely sure) "That's the excrement gland."
FRY/FARNSWORTH: "Wha…?"
ZOIDBERG: "The gland that excretes a thin stream of liquid for cacooning, or for self-protection. The creation of the cacoon follows a period of intense pain."
FARNSWORTH: (getting it) "Like a common caterpillar!"
FRY: "You mean that Leela is going to turn into a butterfly?"
ZOIDBERG: "No. The female will wrap herself in an organic bag and emerge in a different stage of her life."
FRY: "Oooh…so she will be a butterfly."
Zoidberg and Farnsworth exchange looks.
ZOIDBERG: "There's nothing to worry about."
FRY: "Oh."
ZOIDBERG: "Just leave her next to a dry twig and nature will do the rest."
 

EXT. SHOT - Robot Arms Apts.
Subtitled "Later that Night…" (the periods appear as if something was loading).

INT. SHOT - Robot Arms Apts.
Leela, held up only by Fry, and her roommate enter their apartment.
LEELA: "Thanks for acting so quickly, Fry. What did Dr. Zoidberg say?"
FRY: "Uh…buhduh…nothing!"
Leela looks distrustfully at Fry for a second, then he sets her on her bed.
LEELA: "Thanks a lot, Fry. You can actually be enjoyable when you aren't so annoying…that didn't come out right…"
Leela looks over to see Fry has fallen over (asleep) halfway to his own bed.
LEELA: "Oh, forget it."
She gets up as we fade out.
 

(And now a word from our sponsor…Rocket Takeoff! (this is not a shameless self-promo, really!))
(back from the break)
 

EXT. SHOT - Robot Arms Apts.
Early morning, 6:30ish.
 

INT. SHOT - Robot Arms Apts.
Close up of the (still on the ground) sleeping Fry. We see two familiar feet and hear whistling. One of the metal feet kicks Fry. Tilt upwards to Bender.
BENDER: (cheerful) "Morning, meathead."
FRY: (groaning as he wakes up)
BENDER: (looking to his side) "Hey, what happened to the eye?" (points)
Switch back to Fry, as he turns his head towards where Bender is pointing.
FRY: (gasp!)
Quick-Pan over to Leela's bed, where a large, purple cocoon sits on top, held upright by a sticky substance connecting it to the ceiling. Leela's clothes are spread haphazardly over the floor nearby.
 

EXT. SHOT - Robot Arms Apts.
We see Drs. Farnsworth, Zoidberg, and Zarzzozzzz enter.

INT. SHOT - Robot Arms Apts.
Fry and Bender are still gawking at the cocoon as the doctors enter.
FARNSWORTH: "We came as soon as I took a shower after you called."
DR. ZARZZOZZZZZ: "I took the liberty of coming as the lady signed a contract with me about a year and a half ago."
Zoidberg casts a glance at the cocoon.
DR. ZOIDBERG: "Now where is the patient?"
FRY: "This is…was…no, is…no…yeah…her right here." (motions to the cocoon)
All three start examining the cocoon with various instruments.
FRY: "I think it's great that doctors still make house calls."
DR. ZARZZOZZZZ: "We don't. You just paid for my trip to the Spleech Nebula."
FRY: (annoyed grunt)
After a few more seconds, Dr. Zoidberg has reached his conclusion.
ZOIDBERG: "There is nothing to worry about. The female Leela is inside changing form.
In a few months she'll come out again."
DR. ZARZZOZZZZ: "Hey, wait a minute! That's MY biological analyzer!"
ZOIDBERG: "Gotta run!"
Zoidberg runs out of the apartment, followed closely by Dr. Zarzzozzzz. After a second…
FRY: "So, what do I do until she comes out?"
BENDER: (getting an idea) "Hm…I've got an idea…"
 

EXT. SHOT - Robot Arms Apts.
Subtitled: "A few months later…"
 

INT. SHOT - Fry and Cocoon's Apartment
Fry and Bender have set up a side-show attraction around Leela's cocoon. Bender takes the money, Fry does the showmanship. There's a sign that says "PULSATING ALIEN THING".
FRY: "Ladies and gentlemen! May I present to you the 18th Wonder of the World:
The pulsating alien thing!"
The door between the window room and the bedroom is opened, allowing the crowd a good look at the cocoon.
CROWD: (gasp!)
FRY: "And for two dollars you get five minutes to look at 'the Thing!' And for only five dollars more you can get your picture taken!"
The crowd rushes towards Bender with cash in hand.
FRY: (to Bender) "It sure was a good idea to start this sideshow attraction business."
BENDER: (to Fry) "I just wish the bank accepted these $3 bills." (holds up a $3 bill with a picture of Clinton)
A man from the bedroom pops his head in.
MAN: "Sir, the thing is thrashing wildly and spit a sticky substance on several people."
BENDER/FRY: "Uh oh…"
They both rush in to the bedroom and start motioning people to leave. The last of the people are (finally) out, and Fry's about to exit himself when he turns around. The cocoon explodes.
After the purple part slides off the camera lens, we see Fry half-covered in goop and Amy next to him.
FRY: "Leela, you look just like Amy!"
AMY: "I am Amy! I was bringing over my present for Fela's birthday party, remember?"
FRY: "Oh yeah…"
Amy gets a look of horror on her face as she looks at something behind Fry.
FRY: "I don't want to turn around, do I?"
Amy points, her hand shaking. Fry does turn around to see…the new Leela. With dark, dark skin. And a yellow eye. And no lips. And a purple mane going halfway down her back. And two extra sets of arms. And paws (more like paws with digits, something that could double as a foot or a hand). And triple breasts. Who now has to move around more like an arachnid or an insect than a bipedal life form. (see, the legs are now indistinguishable from the arms, so every limb could be either leg or arm)
FRY: "Leela?"
LEELA: (cough) "Hello, Fry."
Amy screams and runs. Fry looks up and down the new Leela (who makes sure to cover the breasts and it has to be a medium shot).
LEELA: (annoyed) "Fry, stop gawking and get my clothes."
FRY: "Then can I gawk?"
LEELA: (angry) "No!"
FRY: "I don't think they'll fit. In case you haven't noticed, you walk on six legs now."
LEELA: "Get them anyway!"
A few minutes later, the tank top is stretched to accommodate another set of limbs, the third set is between the waistline and the shirt-line, and the last set fits into the pants (sort of). Leela stands as erect as she can in her new form.
LEELA: "Now I can look at you eye to eye."
FARNSWORTH: (OS) "Fry, we brought the cake…"
Quick-pan around to the entrance to the apartment, where Hermes, Bender, LeBarbara, Zoidberg, Amy, and Farnsworth (holding the cake) stand.
HERMES: (on seeing Leela) "Good Oprah! What is that?"
FARNSWORTH: "It looks odd, therefor must be a monster! (draws knife from the cake)
Get it!"
Leela and Fry look at each other, then Fry steps in the door between the bedroom and the window room, blocking our view of Leela.
FRY: "Stop! I won't let you hurt Leela!"
HERMES: "Come off it, mon. That weird-lookin' thing must have eht Leela while you weren't lookin'."
COMPANY: "C'mon…get out of the way…please…" (etc.)
Finally, they push Fry from the door only to discover that Leela is missing! (the room is still covered in purple goop, though)
HERMES: (brandishing torch) "Spread out! It couldn't have gotten far!"
ZOIDBERG: "Wait a minute, where did you get that torch?"
HERMES: "Eh, you know, around."
They start methodically searching the bedroom. When Fry objects, Bender pushes him into the closet.
FRY: "Whoa…who-oa!" (Falls over)
LEELA: (whispering) "Fry."
Fry looks around.
LEELA: (whispering, but more insistent) "Fry."
He looks up to see Leela's head in the air duct above him.
FRY: "I could have sworn this building didn't have air ducts. How'd you get in there anyway?"
Leela points to a large hole behind next to Fry's dirty laundry (which is a rather LARGE pile).
LEELA: "Now get in here! I think I found a way out of the building."
Fry gets down on all fours and crawls behind the pile.
FRY: (from behind the pile) "So that's where my red shirt went." (holds up old-fashioned Star Trek uniform, then continues through the hole)
 

INT. SHOT - Air Duct
Fry and Leela crowd around the small duct below them. Through the duct we see…
BENDER: (OS) "I know I shoved him in here…" (he and Farnsworth enter the closet)
FARNSWORTH: "We must find Fry, he has connections to the hell-beast we seek."
Fry and Leela exchange looks. Farnsworth looks around, misses the hole, and leaves with Bender.
FRY: "Wow, I never knew my own family was so crazy."
LEELA: "I knew all the time."
AUDIENCE: "Whoooooooooooooooooooo!"

INT. SHOT - Living Room
…where Bender turned on the TV to, you guessed it, "Married with Children."
BENDER: "It's never been the same since Peg left for that stupid cartoon."
HERMES: "Ya filthy robot! Get back in here!"
BENDER: "Uh oh."
 

INT. SHOT - Air Duct
Back to Leela and Fry.
FRY: "We can't keep you here, I can't throw you out on the street, what are we going to do?"
LEELA: "The only thing I can think of is…"
 

EXT. SHOT - Streets of NNY
Under cover of nightfall, Fry and Leela return to the PJs manhole cover, pull it up, and climb down.
 

INT. SHOT - Sewer
Fry and Leela are in the same section of sewer they landed in the first time.
LEELA: "I'm not proud about this, going to live the rest of my life with the sewer mutants."
FRY: "You think you've got it bad, I'm normal and I have to spend the rest of my life with the mutants anyway!"
Leela shoots him a dirty look.
FRY: "The mutants…and you…"
DWAYN: (OS) "Welcome back."
Pan around to DWAYN.
DWAYN: "Why have you returned?"
LEELA: "Dwayn, remember when my friend saved you all from El Chupanibre?"
DWAYN: "How could I forget…that's the song that broke my guitar…"

(Semi-Mandatory Clip Shot)
 

LEELA: "Anyway, we need you to return the favor."
FRY: "We need to stay here the rest of our lives."
DWAYN: "Lives, ay? Come with me."
Dwayn leads them back to the Mutant City, then down a street to an unremarkable building.
DWAYN: "Your friend can reside here, in the Normals Hall. These are all people who had to come down to the sewers to escape."
Dwayn opens the door to reveal RIFF, TORG, BUN-BUN, and ZOE. They're playing poker.
ZOE: "Hey! Torg's cheating!"
RIFF: "Zoe, you know as well as I do that Torg isn't smart enough to cheat."
TORG: "Hey!"
Fry slams the door.
FRY: "No, no…I'll stay with Leela."
Dwayn shrugs, then leads them to another unremarkable building. He knocks on the door.
KWASADRWAH answers. (see, she has this weird mouth and sounds like Elmer Fudd)
KWASANDWAH: "Yes?"
DWAYN: "We got a couple more. (motions to Fry and Leela) You have any openings?"
KWASANDWAH: "Thew's the apahtment down fwom owd Mws. Waqueh's, woom thwee, I think."
FRY: "Uh, what did the gross old woman say?"
DWAYN: "She said you can have room 3 for only 3 dollars a month."
KWASANDWAH: "Hew's youw key." (Eyes Fry for a second, then hands the keys to Leela)
"Wait, I didn't mention pwice…"
LEELA: "Never mind, well talk later."
Kwasandwah shrugs then opens the door to let the couple in. They enter.
DWAYN: "Good luck!" (wanders off whistling to himself)
Kwasandwah motions for Fry and Leela to follow her down the hall. They follow.
KWASANDWAH: "This will be your woom, it has wunning water, the Mutant Channah, and a bed."
Leela unlocks the door. Indeed, all it has is a sink, a TV and a bed. Leela winces at the thought of sleeping in one bed with Fry. Fry smiles at the same thought.
KWASANDWAH: "See you at dinneh."
Kwasandwah leaves for the building's only kitchen. Leela enters the room and surveys it.
LEELA: "Well, with some changes, it should be livable."
As if on cue, a WEIRD AL LIKE CREATURE kicks his hamster through the paper-thin walls.
AL LIKE CREATURE: "That's IT, Harvey! Go find some other accordion-playing, sewer-dwelling musician!"
The hamster runs out of the door. Leela and Fry exchange looks.
FRY: (suave) "Looks like there's only one bed…"
LEELA: "You lay one finger and you're going to find yourself living with that hamster."
Fry makes a little "Ooh…" type sound.
LEELA: "Although…it was brave of you to defend me against five or six people. And rather sweet."
FRY: "Yeah well, it was easy for me, being in the doorway and all."
Leela looks around the room again.
LEELA: "Who am I kidding? It's a dump, in the sewer, with only freaks and mutants as any human contact!"
She sits on the bed, depressed. Fry sits beside her.
FRY: "Hey, it's okay. I mean, it's not like we have any choice. What with the extra arms and all…"
Leela starts sobbing, applying four arms to her face.
FRY: "Oooh…It's okay. I'm sure with a couple generations, all of our descendants will look at least halfway normal…"
LEELA: (realizing) "FELA!!"
 

INT. SHOT - Conference Room
Farnsworth, dressed as some sort of medicine man or shaman, is chanting while circling the conference table, containing Fela on a pillow (ala Ghostbusters II). Two circles of candles (again, ala Ghostbusters II) illuminate the scene, while the rest of the company, dressed similarly, stand together in the shadows. Hermes comes forward.
HERMES: "This child was conceived in evil, by the demon, and the gods must be appeased with it's sacrifice."
 

INT. SHOT - Fry and Leela's New Underground Apt.
Back to Fry and Leela after that little break.
LEELA: (shaking Fry) "We have to go back for her!"
FRY: "How? We barely escaped with our lives!"
LEELA: (thinks for a second) "They've probably taken Fela to the hanger bay. Every week, a couple of guys from Parasitebusters come in to check for brain parasites in the ship. If we could sneak in as them, we could probably catch everyone by surprise."
FRY: "But, still, there's…uh…(counts on his fingers)…how many people are in the company?"
LEELA: "Six people against us."
FRY: "Yeah…"
LEELA: "I know what you're thinking. We'll just get some help…"
 

EXT. SHOT - Dwayn's Place
Dwayn cracks up at our hero and heroine.
DWAYN: "No." (slams the door)
LEELA: "Okay, then we'll…deal with the situation as best we can. I do have the advantage of several pairs of arms. (looks at wrist thingy) The exterminators will be there in a couple of minutes, we need to go now!"
FRY: "I don't know about…" (Leela grabs him and pulls him away from the door, cutting off his sentence)
 

EXT. SHOT - New New York by Night
Silhouetted against the bay and the moon are Fry and Leela as they duck into a doorway. Zoom in to half a block away where EGON, RAY, and PETE walk along towards the door.
PETE: "So it's agreed then: We were better off…"
Fry and Leela jump them, pull them into the door, and scuffling is heard. Some seconds later, Fry and Leela emerge victorious, holding the suits and packs. They walk proudly towards the PE Building in the background. Pan around to the two of them walking, as we get the Semee-Obligatoree Song Paradee. The Ghostbusters theme starts up.
SINGING HOOD: (OS) "If your friends have stole/ -en your only baby/ Who ya gonna call? MUTANT LEELA! If there's some mutants/ livin' in your sewer/ Who ya gonna call? MUTANT LEELA! (first solo) If your friends are gonna/ make a sacrifice/ Who ya gonna call? MUTANT LEELA! If you wanna steal/ some guys' clothes and song/ Who ya gonna call? MUTANT LEELA! (second solo) If you can't parody/ worth a single damn/ Who ya gonna call? CHRISTINA! (third, unidentifiable instrument solo, including instrumentals of the main lyrical background) (end of song)"
 

INT. SHOT - PE Building
Everyone is standing around thinking.
AMY: "I'm out of ideas."
ZOIDBERG: "How DO you correctly sacrifice an infant?"
Two knocks on the door.
FARNSWORTH: "Who is it?"
FRY: (badly disguised) "It's the Ghost…er…Brain Parasite-busters!
HERMES: "Could you come back later? We're in the middle of something!"
FRY: (not disguised) "Um, no."
HERMES: (annoyed) "Fine, come on in. But pay no attention to the baby on the pillow."
 

EXT. SHOT - PE Building
Fry and Leela in front of the door.
FRY: "Now what?"
LEELA: "We walk in and around to the ship, get to Fela, take her, then rush back out."
FRY: "Ah…"
LEELA: (motioning with hands) (sarcastic) "Bay-bee. (makes little cradle) Us. (makes a two-legged shape with one hand and a two-legged one with her other hand) The rest of the company. (The other two hands twiddle their thumbs as the "Fry" and "Leela" hands walk around the cradle, then rush to it. When "Fry" and "Leela" run towards the cradle, the two hands run to them and try to attack them. This is one of those complex scenes that seems perfectly simple on screen but is amazingly hard to describe)"
FRY: "Okay…wait, won't they recognize me? And the fact you have several extra arms?"
Leela reaches back into the pack and pulls out an exterminator helmet from a storage container, and puts on it and the suit, conveniently hiding the two unnecessary sets of arms.
FRY: "Ooooh!"
LEELA: "Now get yours on."
 

INT. SHOT - PE Building
Leela and Fry, both wearing helmets, walk around the pillar-with-a-pillow towards the ship, busy trying not to notice the company. Leela says "NOW!" The company, their attention again focused on how to properly sacrifice an infant, are caught by surprise. Fry and Leela both run for Fela, and Leela manages to grab her before…
HERMES: "It's headin' for the baby! Stop it!"
Everyone else starts rushing them. Leela's plan is quickly thwarted and they are both dragged off, kicking and screaming, to the Laundry Room (aka the Brig)
 

INT. SHOT - The Laundry Room…which shall now be known as the Brig
After being thrown into the laundry…er, brig, Fry and Leela look downtrodden for a bit. Then a second shadow appears next to their guard's.
AMY: "Can I go in and gawk at the freak?"
ZOIDBERG: "I was hired to guard the freak, and I'm not going to stop just because…"
AMY: "I'll pay you."
Amy's shadow hands a fried egg over to Zoidberg's. Fry and Leela look at each other at this odd form of payment. (I have now won the most-obscure reference in a fanscript award, for the fried egg from the Unkuulia games)
ZOIDBERG: (while eating the fried egg) "Go on in."
Amy opens the door and enters.
AMY: (under her breath) "Guys, I'm here to help you. The only reason I went along with the rest of the company and tried to sacrifice Fela was because I was scared of being burned at the stake…"
LEELA: (shocked) "You tried to sacrifice Fela?"
AMY: (under her breath) "G'uh! Anyway, I'm gonna help spring all three of you. Fela's unguarded because Hermes, the professor, and Hermes' wife are trying to decide how you sacrifice an infant. The only question is how to get past Zoidberg…"
LEELA: "I have a plan."
Leela notices that Fry (out of frame for the whole conversation) is staring at Amy's bosom through the very revealing Indian-esque costume. She slaps him.
FRY: "OW!"
LEELA: "My plan is…"
Cut to a few seconds later, Leela multiple judo-chops Zoidberg.
FRY: "Was that many judo-chops really necessary?"
LEELA: "No, but I'm really angry."
 

INT. SHOT - Just Outside Hermes' Office
Inside the office, Hermes and the Professor are arguing. Amy, Leela, and Fry sneak along under the door's window, pausing for a few seconds to listen in on the conversation.
HERMES: "Now, I know you want to do it by fire, but I'm fairly sure that the Gods would be better appeased if we just crucified her."
PROFESSOR: "Hermes, you beurocratic moron! You can't just walk in to a store and BUY an infant-sized cross this time of night!"
HERMES: "We could build it out of your firewood…"
PROFESSOR: "Besides, it wouldn't make for very good fireworks."
HERMES: (pause) "Now that I consider it, you're probably right."
PROFESSOR: "Of course I'm right, I'm a scientist, for the gods' sake!"
Sensing the conversation is over, the trio start moving, but Fry's too slow and is hit by the opening door, revealing them.
PROFESSOR: (while Hermes stands there, delayed reaction again) "Get them!"
Bender emerges from the shadows and picks up Amy and Fry.
BENDER: (while Roscoe bows to the Yoinkists) "Yoink!"
Both Hermes and the Professor tackle Leela and manage to restrain her (after an artificially extended fight). Slow dissolve to…

INT. SHOT - The Cage (that is either a reference or it isn't, you decide.)
…Fry and Leela's faces next to each other.
FRY: "Man, this is getting monotonous."
LEELA: "Don't worry, if we're unlucky…"
Gratuitous-3D-effect out to reveal the cage they are imprisoned in is dangling above a roaring fire.
LEELA: "…we won't have to put up with it much longer."
HERMES: (standing in front of the fire) "The Devil and it's conspirator will die a horrible, horrible death by flaming cage. The Devil's offspring and our own strayed sheep (on cue, Zoidberg brings the helpless Fela up to the dais and Bender brings the struggling Amy) will die a merciful death by burning at the stake. (Bender and Zoidberg tie their prisoners to two stakes, then light some torches, waiting for their next cue) (perky) But first, the death of the Devil!"
Cheers from the crowd. Back at the (ranch) cage…
FRY: (nervous) "Leela, if this really is the end, I mean, honestly, we're going to die right here, right now, no escape…"
LEELA: (annoyed) "Spit it out."
FRY: "Then I just wanted to say I was attracted to you the first time I met you, a year and a half ago."
LEELA: "Fry…(slight pause as she gets up the courage)…I love you, too."
Leela and Fry hug each other.
HERMES: "RELEASE THE CAGE!"
The professor tries to pull a lever, then is pushed aside and the lever is pulled by Bender.
FRY: "I'm gonna miss you…"
Leela kisses him in the final, terminal moment. The world seems to unravel at the edges, then gets weird, like a TV signal you can't quite get, or scrambled. It shifts and contorts for a few seconds, then filters away from the floor to the ceiling (including Leela's new body) finally leaving Fry and Leela kissing one another in….
 

INT. SHOT - The Imaging Chamber
After coming off of each others' lips, Fry and Leela look around.
LEELA: "Where are we?"
FRY: "I think I've been here before…"
The Imaging Chamber Door (*smirk*) opens to reveal the professor cradling Fela.
PROFESSOR: "I'm afraid I've got some explaining to do. About 12 hours ago I transported the two of you to this, what I call the Imaging Chamber, in order to test it. I wrote this little simulation based on a dream I had, and imprinted the memories of the last few months in you to complete it. However, there are still some problems regarding the death of the user."
LEELA: "So, let me get this straight: You put us through all that just to see if this invention worked?"
PROFESSOR: "And to get some use out of those dream logs I've been keeping the last 50 years, but basically correct." (pause) "I just realized that Fela is my great^23 aunt." Leela makes a barely perceptible motion to Fry, who takes Fela. The last shot is a head-on view of Leela kicking the camera, and since she was facing the professor, presumably him as well.

(FADE OUT)

NOTE: Title adapted from "Time of the Apes" where the main characters escape and are caught about a zillion times.