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(The Enterprise D does her usual 'fly towards your POV' move)

PICARD: (off screen) Captain's log, Stardate 3690....ah, Hell with this stupid thing.........April 4th, 2369. The Enterprise is making a routine fly around in space, searching for the next civilization to violate the Prime Directive with, or another planetoid to blow up, cause the last one was kinda whimpy.......we haven't had anything to do for FOUR WEEKS.....

(On the bridge, we see the usual gang, usual posts)

RIKER: I'm bored........
WORF: We COULD attack that pre-warp civilization 3 light years back....
RIKER: ....So bored..........
DATA: Captain, I suggest we have a rousing came of 'Captain Says'
RIKER: (slouching in chair) Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored........
TROI: Will, I sense your bored......
RIKER: No duh, Deeana........
PICARD: OK......Guys, I know we've been bored, but it could worse.......think about it. We COULD be stranded in the Delta Quadrant. That must be a living hell........

(Cut to Voyager's mess hall. They're having a party.)

PICARD: Yup, really boring. We need something to do!!

(There's is a flash of light)

VOICE: Well, it seems I came JUST at the right time, mon captain.

(Picard whips around. It's Q, dressed, as usual, in Starfleet fashion)

PICARD Q!!
Q: Greetings, Jean Luc.
PICARD: Get of my ship, damn it!! (starts shoving against him, trying to push him) Come on.....get off........off........!!!
TROI: Sir, I sense you're annoyed.
PICARD: (glaring at Troi) In more ways then one!
Q: Is this how you thank me, Jean Luc? I've come to liven up your lives today!
PICARD: First, I want to talk to you in my office. I've about had it with this constant appearing on my ship.......

(In Picard's office........)

PICARD: OK, first thing is........(starts sniffling) Why won't you leave me alone?!? (cries) I keep asking and begging you to leave me alone, and you won't listen! You've made me blow myself up three times, you made me encounter the Borg, and you won't stop!! You're mean!!(sobs)

(Q looks down on Picard, up, then at the viewer, annoyed and bored at the same time)

Q: I think, Jean Luc, it's time for you to play in a happier place.
PICARD: What the Hell do you mean, play? What do you think I am, a little boy?
Q: (snaps fingers) Watch........

(The Enterprise suddenly flies along way really fast)

PICARD: (rushing onto the bridge) What was that, No. 1?
RIKER: I dunno Sir, but I nearly went No. 2 in my pants.....
PICARD: On screen!

(They see the Earth as it would be drawn on Futurama)

PICARD: Anaylsis, Data.
DATA: It appears to be Earth sir........but there are strange life-forms on the planet's surface......
PICARD: Explain.
DATA: There are bug eyed people, yellow people, talking animals, and talking paper cut outs.
WORF: Do they have honor? Do they like pain, like I do?
DATA: A kid DOES show repeated deaths.....much like one of our nameless Ensigns........
WORF: Sir, permisson to lead an away team.
PICARD: Granted, but I'm coming to.....Riker, Data, Ensign Guna Bytit, you're coming to. (to Q) What purpose do you have of us being here?
Q: Another puzzle, another mystery, mon Capitan. Good bye for now.

(Q goes to snap his fingers....misses......tries again........misses......)

Q: Ah, this time......!!

(Q disappears)

(We see the five Away people beam down. They whip out their PADD's and begin to scan.
PICARD: Curious world, No. 1.
RIKER Agreed.
WORF: Sir.....look above you........
(They look up at the building next to them)
PICARD: Planet......Express...?
RIKER: What the Hell does that mean?!?
PICARD: Analysis, Data.
DATA: We are on 31st century Earth, sir...but we are in the world of television....
PICARD: Explain.
DATA: Q must have ripped open the time/space/TV continuim, and....

(several minutes later)

DATA: ...and that is how Q could have done it.
PICARD: (bored/annoyed, picking his nose) Fascinating.
WORF: Sir, several residents have found us............they're coming towards us!!

(Fry, Leela, Amy and Bender have now crept up to the team, and look at them strangely....)

WORF: I'm locking phasers on 'deep fat fry'!!!
RIKER: (rolls eyes) Worf, they have no guns.........
WORF: (bummed) Oh.
PICARD: Be careful.........don't scare them......we're freindly.
DATA: (to Bender) Greetings.
BENDER: Bite my shiny, metal ass!
DATA: Sir, I do not wish to bite you in that area, nor do I need sustinance. How about a 'hearty handshake'?
BENDER:  Whatever, gold boy.
FRY: Woah. These guys look like they're from Star Trek!!
PICARD: This is Capt. Jean Luc Picard of the Federation starship USS Enterprise.
AMY: F'luh, who is?
LEELA: You're not pointing at anybody!!

(Picard growls)

FRY: Woah! A starship!!?!? Lemme see! Lemme see!
PICARD: No.
FRY: LEMME SEE!!!!!!! LEMME SEE!!!!!!! LEMME SEE!!!!!!!
RIKER: (groans) Sir, let's just forget the Directive and show him the ship.....
PICARD: No, Will!! The Prime Directive is sacred!!
RIKER: Not really, sir. We brake PRET-TY often. Remember how last week we beamed down to some planet for a kegger?
PICARD: Agreed. (taps badge) Picard to Enterprise. One alien to beam up.
(Fry gets beamed away)
PICARD: Now, No. 1.....

(Riker is already sweet talking Amy.........)

AMY: So, you're the first officer of a starship......?
RIKER: Yup.....
AMY: You look SSSSSSOOOOOOOO cute with that beard........

(....And Leela is trying to pull Bender from Data.....)

LEELA: Bender, calm down!!
DATA: Sir, why do you insist on poking me with a broken liqour bottle and swearing at me for saying 'Beer is not required'?
PICARD: Damnit! What more can go wrong!?!?

(As if answer, the Enterprise lurches out of the sky towards the harbor, with Fry's screaming)

PICARD: (sighing) I _KNEW_ I shouldn't have left Lt. Barclay at the helm...
 
(The Enterprise banks away at the last moment, at returns towards space)

PICARD: I have a feeling THAT wasn't bad enough.........

(Cut to an exterior shot of Omicron Persisi 8..........ya know, the aliens from 'When Aliens Attack!'.............)

(The alien overlords are watching Star Trek: Voyager......)

JANEWAY: Anaylsis, Seven.
SEVEN: I have cut around all the irrelivant matter and come to a conclusion: Voyager could just pull over for directions and find a trans-warp wormhole to Earth two light years from here.
KIM: Brilliant, Seven!
SEVEN: Irrelevant, Ensign Kim. I have........

(The transmisson fails)

LRRR: This is outrageous, again! I command to know what happened to the droning Jeri Ryan and her extremely tight and sexy bunny suit!!

(The UPN logo appears)

UPN GUY: Due to technical problems, we'll now show you eight episodes of 'Stuff Your Face!!' in a row!

(Lrrr screams and rips the TV out of the wall)

(On the Enterprise's Ten-Forward, a confused Guinan approaches Fry)

GUINAN: I'm sorry sir, but we don't have LoBrau, Slurm, or any other of the drinks you requested.....
FRY: M'eh........
GUINAN: Tell me, how do you know about Starfleet?!?  We just found out you are warp-capiable.
FRY: Dude.....your show was great!
GUINAN: Show?
FRY: Yeah, you guys flew around and blew up things and saved the universe....it rocked.
GUINAN: Uh....thanks.
FRY: Ya know, Guinan......you're like, the smartest person on board......
GUINAN: Huh?
FRY: Yeah! Even Jean Luc comes to you for advice!!
GUINAN: (realizing) Hey, you're right!!
FRY: You could run the Enterprise yourself....!!
GUINAN: Yeah.....YEAH!!!
FRY: You should go tell Picard the minute you can you should take over the ship!
GUINAN: Ya know something, I will! It's about time we had female captain who DIDN'T get killed or lost!!
FRY: Yeah! Black power...!.....(Guinan walks off).....Admiraless Butt Head........(sips some water from a jug on the table)

(The room lurches under a lazer blast)

FRY: What the.....?

(He looks out the window, and sees an armada Omicron Persisi ships heading for the Enterprise and the 'Cartoon Earth'.

FRY: Eeep......

(Picard, meanwhile, sits brooding at Planet Express)

LA FORGE: (off screen) La Forge to the Captain!
PICARD: Go ahead, Geordi!
LA FORGE: We have an incoming attack! You better get the crew up here, on the double!!
PICARD: Right! (calls to his left) DATA!! We're going back to the Enterprise!!

(Data comes in, minus his synthetic skin and clothes)

PICARD: My God, Data, what happened to you?!?
DATA: Mr. Bender beat me severely at cards, sir. However, he gave me some interesting subjects about this culture in exchange for it.
PICARD: Wonderful. Get Worf and the Ensign to the ship, I'm going to get Riker.......
DATA: I believe he is still in the company of Ms. Wong, sir.
PICARD: Right, thank you Data......

(Picard pounds on a door marked 'A. Wong')

PICARD: Will, the Enterprise is under attack! We need to go!!

(After some rustling of various items, Riker comes out......hair messed up, and his shirt on backwards...)

PICARD: (annoyed/joking at the same time) My God Will, can you NOT intermingle with a lady from another spieces for ONE time.
RIKER: No sir........it's my role.........Kirk of the Enterprise D, remember?
PICARD: Right......well, let's get to the Enterprise.........(They leave to the transporter station)

(Meanwhile, Fry, Leela, Bender, and an equally messed up Amy are watching the news........)

NEWSLADY: In other news, the Omicron Persisi 8-ians have returned with a vengence. We know go to vice president Ryan McNeal, former President McNeal's younger brother.

(Similiar to the scene from 'When Aliens Attack', Ryan McNeal addresses the assembled nations. He looks exactly like President McNeal, except his hair is black.)

RYAN McNEAL: My fellow planet dwellers, it is time to give into the demands of the alien forces, and give them what they want! And we should give it now, lest we per...

(The screen breaks out)

LRRR: Well, let's hope you can tell people apart this time......we want Ryan! Give us Ryan, or we'll deep fat fry Earth!!!

(The screen returns to normal........with everyone staring down at Ryan.......)

RYAN McNEAL: Now, um, we can't just.........uh..........

(Two guards grab him by the arms and drag him off)

RYAN McNEAL: Damn........I knew I should have taken a hint from my brother and stayed out politics.........

(Cut to the bidge of the Enterprise. The same thing has been running on its main screen)

PICARD: Ensign Guna Bytiyt, go escort Mr. McNeal, will you?
ENSIGN BYTIT: Yessir! (leaves)

(The watch on the screen as Vice Pres. McNeal is escorted to the alien craft hovering over Wasington by Ensign Bytit. The alien overlords look down, scream in anger at this not being Ryan, and promptly vaporize both Vice President McNeal AND Ensign Bytit.)

LRRR: (flashing a picture of Jeri Ryan) We want HER by sundown, or we will offset your planet's orbit and cause it to fly straight into the sun!!

(Back at Planet Express......)

LEELA: Damn........I guess we better make another show..........
BENDER: Yup.....
FRY: Uh huh.

(The Enterprise team beams down again)

PICARD: Do you people have any idea of how to stop them.
FRY: Yeah, we have to act out Voyager......
LEELA: Ya wanna play the Doctor?
PICARD: No...that's OK..........
BENDER: He could be Neelix........
PICARD: Wait, wait........that's not possible.........
FRY: He should be Tuvok......
PICARD: Chief, beam us up!!!!!!

(On the bridge, Picard is frantically trying to figure out a way to get back to his dimension. Q appears.)

PICARD: Q, get my ship back where it belongs!!
Q: Ah, has mon capitan learned his lesson?
PICARD: What lesson?
Q: That there ARE worse worlds, worse dimensions, and worse conditions to be n then seeing me.....?
PICARD: Uh......yeah........
Q: All righty then.........(snaps fingers)

(The Enterprise is warped back where it belongs)

Q: Until next time, my captain........(vanishes)
PICARD: (sighs) Thank God.........
TROI: Sir, I sense you are relieved.
PICARD: (as Guinan comes towards him) Silence, Troi.
GUINAN: Captain, I believe I should tell you something........

(The Enterprise is seeing flying along)

GUINAN: Captain's log, Stardate 36905.4. The switch of jobs has gone very easily, and former Captain Picard has gone to a job more suited for him at the moment.....

(Guinan walks over to the bar. Picard is behind it, in a cheesy McDonald's type get up and with a smile forced by taping up the corners of his mouth.)

PICARD: Anything you want, Captain?
GUINAN: No thank you........are you doing OK?
PICARD: Yes....but I'll be glad when this experiment is over...
GUINAN: WHEN is the question though, my friend............good luck..........
PICARD: Yeah............you too..............(Guinan leaves)
TROI: (Nibbling on a chocolate cake) Sir, I sense you are depressed.........
PICARD: Ergh! EVERYONE'S sick of that running joke, Deeana!! (shoves a chunk of cake in Troi's mouth)
DATA: How about you bite Deeana's skin tube ass, sir?
PICARD: DATA!??!?!
DATA: I am practicing what Bender has told me. Is that not all right, meat bag?
PICARD: I'll show you all right..........

(Shot of the back of the Enterprise as she flies on.....)

DATA: Sir, please do not reach there.....that is my power swi...Daisy......daisy.........give mmmmeeee yyyyyooooouurrrrrrrr aaaaaaaaannnnnsssssssssswwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeerrrrr dddddooooooooooooooooooooooooo...........................

(The Enterprise warps off. Play ending TNG theme)
 

END